This is the 1st paragraph to my latest story, I hope you enjoy
Peering into his reflection Mark visualizes past the window into his open yard, rain collides into his grass, his flowers, his mailbox, and even on his new Ford Fiesta, peeling away the steel slowly into rust. Mark isn’t much a traditional man; in fact he hasn’t seen his parents in 3 weeks which is a rare occasion for a Kenningsworth family member. His dreadful summers in youth where spent outside his parents estate in Maine where he would dramatically swing on his play set gazing into his house as he watched his brothers and sister tug among toys and buy one get one free yogurt cups. Now at the age of 24 and quite successful Mark enjoys new things; badminton with his friend Elijah, riding his 3 speed around town, and going to public debates where he politically crushes everyone. Mark takes a green rugged lid out of his pocket and puts it on his cup of tea. The cracking door slowly opens and his umbrella peaks out, one step out and like a star expanding his umbrella shoots open. The door closes, the door locks, the door is now left alone while Mark does the same process in reverse to get inside his car. Down the driveway Mark goes, on his way to work like every Monday through Friday, quite fun for Mark since he is ranked number one on iTunes for mix tapes. Darkened by the cover above him Mark pulls into a parking garage and parks into his normal spot which is reserved for him but sometimes he will lend it out for tickets to a Shins concert. Inside the elevator Mark looks at his watch, 8:52, which is perfect timing for arriving on time to work or anything really where you need to be at 9 o’clock. The Museum of Art and History looks ever so decadent and all because of the overnight shift who cleans up and waxes the place for its lavish shine.
…..More will come
Hello readers,homo sapiens, and Neanderthals welcome to EYL (egg yoke learnings) where you will find humor and sass without the uncomfortable staring eyes of Martha Stewart. In this segment I’m bringing the pilgrims and Indians together for one final dinner, it’s called “Fun things to do on Sunday (keeping the Sabbath holy)”, I’m very creative. So let’s cut off the butchers arm and deep fry this sucker shall we?
- Strangle your neighbors pet goldfish
- Put lassos around children and use force to capture them
- Eat a gyro
- Make your own beef jerky
- Play hours on end of Jenga with a cardboard cut-out of Ryan Seacrest( please do not romance with the cut-out)
- Buy a trident
- Massage my shoulders?
- Drink tainted holy water
- Read my blog http://exceptionalyetlovely.wordpress.com/
- Ask your friend Paul if he/she is constipated, if they says yes spend your evening cuddling with him/her
- Spit at Senior citizens
- Make an inappropriate rap song how you are going to change the “rap game”
- Pole vault over tall objects
- Call those nice girls who are on TV after midnight
- Clip out pictures of Rhianna and put them all over your wall
- Buy some of Rhianna’s hair off Amazon/eBay
- throw eggs at an abortion clinic/ support abortion clinics, I’m not biased so do which ever your political feelings aim towards
- Hi Rachel
- Purchase some Altec Lansing speakers and sell them for profit to someone who isn’t that smart with speakers who wants to buy new speakers
So I hope all this came in handy and for your Sunday funday, And remember stay safe but if someone is trying to bust open your knee-cap you have the right to slap them in the face. Live from my tiny crawlspace of a bedroom, I’m Stevey J and remember to keep clean and wash out your ear lobes thrice a week.
“let’s say Tom cruise and Beyonce made a baby, would it look more black or white?” Donald started to stroke back his hair as his sausage fingers poked the calculator.
“I have no clue man, Why is this even a question?” I started to pour a glass of Tang into my Star wars ep. V collection cup.
Donald’s face lite up like a white girl at a Brittany spears concert “Yo YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO” Donald is literally screaming “YO Kevin I got the results, in fact after the calculations their child would weirdly look Cuban, amazing how technology works now’a'days”. Donald ran out of my room and into the hallway where he left the house and got onto his Yamaha moped.
“Hey Kevin, who the hell was that? And why is there Danimals yogurt all over my TI-83?” My mom angrily grabbed the calculator and started to yell more, it made me feel very sad. I felt so sadden I took it upon myself to cry while squeezing a big scoop of strawberry ice cream in my fist.
Dad came home and walked in through the kitchen not seeing me but only my mother licking the back of her ear gently.
“oh well, Howdy Kevin, uh um I think that Dave guy down the street wants to talk to you! Yeah now go see him before he leaves, me and your mother have to make sweet sweet……
“Horse radish sauce” my mother jumped in very fast, she could hardly catch her breathe for some reason.
I started walking down the street with only one thing on my mind “why does Dave want to talk to me? Does he think I have some kind of encrypted tomb of enchanting?”
Butterflies gathered around my stomach, not as a metaphor but actual butterflies, probably from all the honey suckles I rub around my belly button, I saw on Dr. Oz it’s pretty flippin healthy for you to do.
As I slid along the road Dave lives on I got a sneak peak of him smoking stuff out of a flower vase with that reggae singer Bob Marley on it. “Hey Dave, you wanted to see me?”
Dave put this fancy vase down and pulled his pants up ” Oh hey Kevin, I actually didn’t have to tell you anything, but now that your hear can you help me out?”
Dave was a nice guy always seeming to care about other people, like he always seems to have our entire grade over to have slumber parties, I can never go though because my dad says I have values, which is true my mom said I’m worth a million dollars, which made me feel nice, but at the same time afraid of rich people like Donald trump.
“what do you need?” Dave came over and put a bar of soap in my hand
“I need you to wash this old man for me” Dave pointed to Mr. Salwinsky who was wearing some swim trunks. Making eye contact Mr. Salwinsky winked at me and started to comb his hair.
I took the bar of soap and began to wash Mr. Salwinsky, “Just like my ex wife Veronica!” which is weird because I didn’t know Mr. S was married.
“well that’s enough young boy, I must get going, FRIENDS is on” Mr. S walked never more proudly in his swim trunks across the street.
Dave walked over to me and said “that was really sweet, and kinda dope how you washed that old guy, hey can I hang out with you and Donald some time? I had no clue you guys were chill.”
I agreed. Dave and I walked to my house and saw my parents happily talking and folding leather suits to be put into a box that I’m not aloud to go in. Later we called Donald who came back over with some more news
“Guys!! GUYs!! so Tcruise and beyonce not only have a Cuban baby, but also Moroccan” Dave seemed very chill with Donald’s weirdness and gave him a hug with the three of us leaving the house to go sit on the porch and eat chicken wraps.
Hey guys, I just want to make a new post today talking about What video games you should have played by now, if there isn’t any on the list that you haven’t played please deport yourself to china and work in a factory. Also there are 5 games starting from 5-1.
5.Donkey Kong 64
So basically I’m the original 90′s kid since all I did was watch Full House and play 64, but in my opinion this is the creme de la creme of N64 games
when it comes to robots, guns, illegal underground robot fights, and being a virgin you got to play CustomRobo. In this game you start off as a lonely guy at his grandmas house soon to rule the Chinese government over and take down his own father, sad stuff.
3.Phantasy star online
PSO is a classic! absolutely fantastic! Even if you don’t enjoy these amazing Sega Korean graphics, that’s fine! try it for the game play, or try it for the lust of video games. In PSO you have to find this guys daughter, SPOILER ALERT she is dead the whole time and all you do is find his bracelet or something like that, again sad stuff.
2.Elder Scrolls IV oblivion
What really grinds my gears is all this Skyrim talk, no love for Oblivion a game that even it’s sequel couldn’t beat. Overall Oblivion is a game that I can come back to and start over enjoying it more and more every time. And no sad endings! Woohoo!
1. Mass Effect 2
Not only has the Mass Effect series grabbed my attention, it has also grabbed eye sight, literally I have to wear glasses now. Since I couldn’t put all 3 games for best ever, I went with the best of the best and chose the 2nd one, not a bold choice since it literally is the greatest thing to ever happen to my 16 year old self at the time.
So get ready people! 2013 is here!!
WHAT TO EXPECT!!!
- Taylor swift chicken nuggets
- all my friends going to college
- The birth of my son John
- Rise of wickens
- a steep drop in price of popcorn
- movie prices skyrocket
BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!!
BON IVER is going to live tweet his concert
Richard is getting his colon removed
Earmuffs go on sale
The birthing of my son Peter
Zoo Atlanta breakouts
THERE STILL IS MORE!!
I know what your thinking, lifetime movies with a house mom stuck at the house with a lousy husband who cheats on his wife. But I let you know I’m not married, not in a relationship, or divorced. I’m what the kids point and laugh at, I’m single. I’ve always wanted a Honda civic for some weird reason, mainly for the killer gas mileage. If you worship Satan I probably can’t be your friend due to our crazy different standards and the fear of me being afraid of weirdo’s. My friend Daniel knows this one guy named Paul, but we never see him since he died 6 years ago. I honestly prefer if deli workers didn’t get their hair in my food, nothing gets my day gloomier than some old gross brushed off hair smudged up in my pasta salad. And next door neighbor, yeah we all can hear you blasting Madonna, I love her too, but you don’t need to listen to Vogue 14 times a night so you deal away with your emotional problems, try a pen pal. Also if you are 13 and you are trying to rock a cut-off, stop you have yourself to blame.
Don’t worry, all this world needs is patience, and with patience comes results. Really anything comes with results, so just do yourself.
Hey how is it coming? So like most birthed children they come from mothers, pretty cool right? So what these moms do is make meals, some kind of, dish or entree if I must say. So sometimes when you are off on your own it’s up to you to choose wear to eat. BUT DON’T FREAKING WORRY, OKAY I’M TALKING TO YOU KYLE. haha swag. so let’s start this segment shall we?
Boy oh boy do I love these! Whether you enjoy meat, pita brad, lettuce and tomato you should endure your sweet sweet succulent mouth onto this mother flippin Mediterranean wonder . The first ime I got one I sat and stroked it softly for hours on end until I saw it becoming soggy, so I ate it, with love and nothing but gentle love.
If you enjoy melted cheese on toasted flour tortillas, you are in high demand to purchase one of these suckers! At the age of 12 little Guadalupe would milk cow and age their milk into cheese, doing so he would melt it into the tortilla, thus creating this beauty
If you like where Troy polimalu and his culture of Hawaiian people come from you have to have a pineapple. Just don’t eat the rigid sharp outer area, cut it open and feast upon it’s guts and glory. Pineapples create many different meals and drinks, in fact its my dads adult beverage flavored drink of choice, whenever he drinks a lot of them he begins to yell at me very abusively, it’s funny!
Forged from the anvil located in Jesus’s mouth, an angel by the name of Nabisco Ned created Mallomars for the pure enjoyment of friendship and. Succeeding in this task Ned became very rich and invested into Apple stock and child labor. With even more success and money, he in fact became famous.
Giant Turkey Legs
God of food, god of a turkey eating cult in Delaware, this magnificent animal body part gives honor among the me who partake. Some vikings only feed on such becoming nothing but 8 feet tall and full of muscle slaughtering any man and women in their path.